If I Had A 
MONKEY...
the Best Source for Metaphorical Violence Against The Monkey You Don't Even Have in the Whole Wide World!

Paul's All-New, Notorious 
List of Evil!
updated: 28 July 2005.

Reader Submissions!
updated: 28 July 2005.

the If I Had A Monkey
OFFICIAL MESSAGE BOARD!

"MY PRETTY PRETTY MONKEY!
SING ME THE SONGS OF THE BANANA WINDS.
SING ME THE SONGS OF THE JUNGLE NIGHT.
SING ME THE SONG OF THE NOBLE
CHITTER-CHATTER OF PRIMATE ANGST.
AND THEN I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU."

                                                -- Paul Hughes, 1998.


Questions&Answers!
(Why, oh why?)

The Angry Monkey!
(A treatise on copyright infringement.)

Proudly Serving The Internet Since 1998!


Paul's Delightful Archive!
(the List that Started It All.)

Reader Submissions Archive!
(oh, kids these days.)


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copyright 1996-2005 Paul Hughes